Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
