I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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