I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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