Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
