people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
