he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
