if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
she pinky promised me she was 18
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
