my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
