I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
