The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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