My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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