Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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