hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
