I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
