yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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