Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
