Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
