and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
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