she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
