i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
