We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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