Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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