I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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