Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
