Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
