I wannas sexs uuuuu
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
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This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
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How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.