"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
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You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
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If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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