Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?