Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.