just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
