i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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