The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
