i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
