you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize