i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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