Taylor Swift is so right about you.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
