U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize
