I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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