i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
