"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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