Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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