Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
As shirtless as possible
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
