im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
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