we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
