i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
