Heybabeimwearingurpanties
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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