I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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