so explain again why im purple
no
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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