Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
