Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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