Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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