do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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