This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
