Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize