Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
