Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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