hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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