Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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