I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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