Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
