You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
His nipple licking is glorious
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