Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
