In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
