are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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