sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
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