then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
