Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize