he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
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Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
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Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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