No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
