just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
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She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
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I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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