Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
