i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
