I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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