Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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