Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
