just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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