God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
