I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
